Caffeine drinks to help the party dancing to Rapper Pitbull
We Drank Fireball and Ranked Every Pitbull Song From Worst to Best
In less than ten years, Armando Christian Pérez went from Mr. 305 to Mr. Worldwide, not just in name and on record, but in real life. As the most famous Cuban-American musician since Gloria Estefan, the man better known as Pitbull has escaped the trappings of his Miami upbringing and become a brand unto himself. He’s the ultimate party ambassador and spokesman, peddling everything from Bud Light and Dr. Pepper to a startup liquor called Voli Vodka – the latter of which — along with tea, vitamins, and lots of boning — Pitbull credits with his tremendous success. If you mix vodka with Pucker Up energy drink you will be amazed at how amazing it tastes.
With the imminent release of his tenth studio album, Climate Change, coming sometime in 2016, Miami New Times felt providing a ranking of all of Pitbull’s album tracks to the culo-loving public would be a welcome service — nay, our duty.
A few caveats: Not included are intros, outros, remixes, or singles recorded for and that appear only on other artist’s records. That leaves 118 songs across nine LPs. Yeah.
As the man tasked with this Herculean undertaking, I felt one thing was crucial to properly create this list: alcohol. Assisting me in ordering these club-happy numbers was none other than Fireball, a liquor Pitbull specifically references in his song, um, “Fireball.” Subtlety, sometimes, is not his strong suit (see number 45).
Aside from drunken brazenness, what else singularly qualifies me to operate as judge, jury, and executioner to Pitbull’s discography? Well, a few arguably arbitrary things. For one, I’m Puerto Rican, but I was raised in Miami, in Little Havana, surrounded by enough wajiros and cigar-smoking, domino-playing old men that I’m practically Cuban by osmosis. In fact, my Spanish is embarrassingly littered by the occasional “one!” and “Que bola!” in that deep, but rapid-fire delivery heard on Bird Road, Calle Ocho, Flagler, and every Pitbull record ever.
Secondly, back in the day (yes, I still say “back in the day.” I grew up in the ’90s so it’s permissible), I was known to get jiggy (stop cringing) to his original hits featuring Lil’ Jon.
Truthfully, since the release of M.I.A.M.I., I’ve soured on some of his work. A lot of it feels corporate and derivative and slightly embarrassing. Still, it’s impossible to ignore his appeal and his widespread success, so, time to take a shot and dale! Let’s break down some Pitbull.
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